Parenting

Intro Robbbie knows everything. Tad knows everyone. Dingo is here too. They’re here to make love to you. (Your ears at least!) This is The Dingo Weekly. This is The Dingo Weekly. This is The Dingo Weekly. This is The Dingo Weekly.

Robbbie Guys, it is so exciting to have this inaugural Dingo Daily podcast. I’m so happy to be here with you guys. For our listeners out there who don’t know, I am Robbbie, probably. I am your co-host on this Dingo Daily adventure that we’re going on, our new Dingo Weekly podcast. I’m with my other co-host here. The raddest dad from here to Bagdad, Mr. Tad, Nasty. And you got your main attraction, Mr. Dingo Jackson. Hey guys.

Dingo Hello, Robert.

Robbbie So today, I really wanted to get into something that I think that we can all relate to. This is something that all of us have some decent experience with, some of us more than others, but parenting.

Dingo Yes, being arrested... Oh.

Robbbie Being arrested, no. How many times have you been to jail?

Tad Once.

Dingo Parenting, correct.

Robbbie Parenting, parenting,

Dingo Parenting.

Robbbie that’s what it was.

Dingo Not prison, parenting.

Robbbie Prison will be on a future episode, I’m sure.

Dingo It will be on several of them.

Robbbie Might be a part of this one. I mean, you know parenting can lead to prison.

Tad I never went to prison, but I did go to jail.

Dingo Oh yes, that’s an important distinction.

Robbbie Now I feel like we need to hear this.

Dingo Jail not prison.

Robbbie There’s a difference.

Dingo Yep, and we’re gonna gloss over it and go into parenting.

Robbbie We’re gonna pocket that jail story for later, but we’re gonna follow up. Rain check.

Tad Got it.

Robbbie So let’s first of all, let’s hear everyone. What is your parenting status? You guys are parents, right?

Dingo Definitely.

Tad Yep.

Dingo I am rearing children to be the future of your country.

Robbbie You’re rearing your children? Oh gross.

Tad I’m pretty sure that’s illegal.

Robbbie You shouldn’t do that. I think the state of New York has laws against that.

Dingo Eh, that’s gonna tie into the jail story.

Robbbie Oh man, alright, so how many kids does everyone have here? What kind of kids? What’s your kid count? What’s your kid types? What do they identify as?

Dingo Mine are all white. All white. There’s three of them.

Robbbie You got three all-whites. That’s a pretty good collection.

Dingo Yeah. Shiny. I don’t know any, any Pokémon fans out there? They’re shiny.

Robbbie Holographic.

Dingo I should have went with holographic.

Robbbie Right.

Dingo Yeah, I’ve got two boys and a little girl, all under 10.

Robbbie Two boys and a little girl. So two older, one younger girl.

Dingo Yes.

Robbbie Very nice.

Dingo Correct. Yes, nice is a word.

Robbbie Any first editions?

Dingo They’re all firsts. Actually, I- no. The older son is definitely a carbon copy of me, and I apologize to everyone.

Robbbie Wait, so you’re a twin though, right? Any twins?

Dingo I am a twin, yes, I have a twin sister that I speak to on holidays.

Robbbie Your kids aren’t twins?

Dingo I have no twins, no.

Robbbie Because that often gets passed down. That’s pretty genetic. So no twins.

Dingo Apparently, my wife has twins in the family as well, but we’ve got nothing. No, they’re all originals.

Robbbie Wow, I bet one of them will have a twin though. And especially if your wife- on your wife’s side, there’s, man, I’m surprised you guys didn’t have twins on your own. That’s lucky, that’s a bullet dodged in my opinion.

Dingo Honestly, the little girl is blonde and we’re both brunettes, so I have questions already coming out the gate, so...

Robbbie Are men brunette? This is a new question.

Tad Are they? That is a good question.

Dingo I would say so. It’s 2025, we’re equal.

Robbbie Yeah, I suppose. You know, I’ve never heard of a man be referred to as brunette. I have dark brown hair.

other people.

Dingo I have brown hair too. I’ve always referred to myself as brunette and now I’m wondering if that was weird to

Robbbie It made me, it gave me pause.

Dingo Did it give you, did it take you back for a second?

Tad What would the alternate be?

Dingo Just brown hair.

Robbbie Just brown, right? It’s just brown. Guys have brown hair. Girls have brunette. Brunette’s just a fancy way of saying brown, isn’t it?

Tad A woman is a brunette.

Dingo It is. I’ve always referred to myself as brunette and I didn’t think it was weird until you just said that.

Robbbie Learning new things every day.

Dingo Did I though? I’m not gonna stop, so...

Robbbie Maybe not. I don’t know.

Dingo I refuse to learn anything at this point in my life.

Robbbie I’m not taking in new information today.

Dingo I’m all full.

Robbbie OK, so you have two- two older boys, one younger girl. I have an older boy and a younger girl all under the age of four. So I’m a little uh, little earlier on than you are. You’ve seen- seen some more shit than me.

Dingo I’m weathered, yeah.

Robbbie You’re weathered.

Dingo And honestly, you have the best part coming up,

Robbbie Oh yeah, what’s the best part?

Dingo in my opinion. You know, when they’re both in that mid three to eight range. What are the ages again?

Robbbie So I have a three and a half year old boy. I have a one year old girl.

Dingo Okay, the three and a half year old boy is just getting into... into... first of all, trouble.

Robbbie Trouble, trouble is exactly what he’s getting into.

Dingo Second of all fun depending on how you are as a father. I enjoyed trouble and it’s just gonna get better because then you- as they get older they become I don’t want to say more of a friend but yeah someone to hang out with.

Robbbie Oh no, he’s like my best friend for sure. That’s, I mean.

Dingo Yeah, and it only gets better.

Robbbie I think we’re going to have some good days ahead, but we are... You said you’ve weathered some storms. I’m weathering a storm. Let’s just put it that way.

Dingo Yeah, you’re in the middle of it right now. And,

Robbbie I’m in it.

Dingo you know, the younger’s a girl.

Robbbie Yep, she’s my princess. She’s, she’s getting to that perfect age. So with the boy, the perfect age was 18 months. That was I mean, as of all the ages we’ve seen, I mean, granted, we’re only up to three and a half here, but 18 months. That, that was- he was cute. He was loving. He was agreeable. It was just like everything was perfect. And she’s getting to be that. She’s getting into that like 18 month really happy go lucky, just like “I’m a perfect little angel”.

Dingo Yeah, I’m not going to disagree with that. And then as the boy gets older, like you get to hang out there, they’re tough. They cause a lot of trouble. But at the same time, once you push through that, like, you know, me and my- my 10 year old son, we just played basketball for a few hours

Robbbie Ugh, I want that.

Dingo yesterday, like just shooting hoops. And the other day we all went to the playground and we were shooting hoops because he’s really into basketball right now. And it’s just a lot of fun. It’s a lot of fun.

Robbbie Yeah, I want- I want that. I want to play again. I feel like my whole childhood was just like playing sports and doing stuff. And every time I got to like have a catch with my dad, it was just like, yes, that’s that’s what I want to do with my kid. You know? I’m just not there yet. I know I have like a couple of years before we can actually do it. I mean, he’s still like kind of learning hand eye coordination, all that good stuff.

Dingo Yeah, you’re going to get to play again. Playing again is the goal before you have to actually raise them to be adults.

Robbbie Oh yeah, one day, one day.

Dingo One day, Tad’s got kids.

Robbbie Yeah, I-

Tad I do.

Robbbie I haven’t heard from Tad in a while. Tad, please, tell us about your kids that you’ve reared.

Tad I have two daughters, a nine-year-old and a five-year-old.

Robbbie Very nice. Girl Dad.

Tad You know, they’re great. They bring with them their own challenges. My nine-year-old is really trying hard to be a teenage girl already, and that’s frightening.

Dingo I think that’s a sign of our times, too. It just seems rushed these days, but I mean, I could be completely out of touch. I don’t know.

Robbbie It feels like that. Everyone’s growing up too fast and everyone looks like they’re a preteen but they’re smoking cigarettes and you’re like, what is going on in this world?

Dingo Yeah, I feel like I see kids vaping.

Robbbie Yeah, right? Yeah, no cigarettes. I’m sorry. We’re in the future now. Everyone’s vaping.

Dingo Yeah, but what’s that all about? Side note.

Robbbie If you got access, why don’t you? Why wouldn’t you want to? It’s like, it’s like-

Dingo I have access. I don’t. I guess I’m just not an idiot kid.

Robbbie Yeah you’re an idiot kid. All the kids are- they’re idiots. Let’s be real, kids are idiots.

Dingo Just do drugs like a regular kid.

Robbbie Well, it’s the access part. I mean, if they can- they got an 18 year old friend, you can get them some, some vapes, they’ll get a buzz.

Dingo Why is Tad’s nine-year-old daughter hanging out with 18-year-olds, Robbbie?

Robbbie That’s a good question.

Tad Yeah, Robbbie?

Robbbie Whoa, whoa, whoa. Okay, guys.

Dingo What the hell, Robbbie?

Robbbie I have nothing to do with dad’s daughter’s acquaintances. No, but these kids, if they can find a way, they’re gonna do it. I mean I don’t know that at nine, I mean, is your daughter vaping, Tad?

Tad Not that I’m aware of.

Robbbie Yeah that’s the problem. You’re never aware.

Tad They’re really good at keeping secrets.

Robbbie They sure are.

Dingo Alright, so I have a question, Tad, as someone with two daughters that are a little older than ours. What do we have to look forward to in the next few years? As far as female child rearing.

Tad I mean your daughters are both still

Dingo Vaping.

Tad babies.

Dingo Oh.

Tad So...

Robbbie Me and my daughter vape together. We have vape seshes.

Dingo Mine is three and a half. Don’t you dare let her hear you call her a baby. She will freak out.

Robbbie Oh yeah. That’s a thing. That’s the same. Same with a three and a half year old boy. Not a baby.

Dingo Yeah, not a baby. I’m a big boy.

Robbbie Alright big boy, then eat your food.

Tad Like, back to what Dingo said like three and a half is at least for, for, for my kids that’s the start of the really fun times. And for my older daughter that went until she was about seven or eight before she started...

Dingo Being a real bitch.

Tad Yeah, yep. For lack of a better word...

Robbbie Let’s call a spade a spade here.

Dingo Yeah, we don’t have to pull punches. We can cut it out in post if you don’t like it.

grow up too fast.

better.

Tad And you know, with your older kids, I’m sure you’ve, you you try to tell them like, don’t Like this is literally like the best time you’re going to have because it doesn’t get any

Dingo I have tried that, they don’t listen. I’ve also told him, don’t be an asshole, and he doesn’t listen to that either.

Robbbie So rude. They never listen. That’s- listening. That was a whole topic I wanted to talk about.

Dingo Why do they do the same thing I did and not listen? It’s ridiculous.

Robbbie Yeah. Listening is the one thing like, in terms of raising him to be like a human, is that one thing that I cannot get there yet? Like he doesn’t listen at all. Anything I say, it takes like 10 times to say it until like I’m almost screaming and I’m just like, why are you making me scream? Like just do it. Like, come on, man.

Dingo I know, I feel like an abuser.

Robbbie I know, right? You make me-

Dingo You’re just like, why are you making me do this to you? Like, why are you making me yell?

Robbbie Right?

Dingo And in my head, I’m like, oh just stop yelling, you fucking psycho.

Robbbie Like I tried the like gentle parenting thing. I’m trying it. I’ve asked you like so nicely, like many several times. Nothing. I’m just getting nothing outta- like, can you hear me? Like, seriously, I’m like- *snap* *snap* *snap* I’m doing this in front of him. Like, can you hear me? Actually, like I’m not even mad anymore. I’m like, I don’t know if you can hear me. Like I’m talking to his face.

Dingo My oldest when he was younger, my wife actually took him to get his hearing checked. Because we were like, I don’t know if he hears us when we speak to him. And the doctor was like, no, he’s fine. Perfect hearing. And we’re like, so he’s just a dick.

Robbbie He’s just a dick.

Dingo Yeah, they’re all dicks.

Robbbie That’s the thing. Kids are dicks. We’re just getting back to it. Call a spade a spade.

Dingo Alright, wrap it up. We figured it out. Kids are dicks. We’ll talk to you next week on the Dingo Daily.

Robbbie Well, no this isn’t about kids. This is about parenting. This is how do you deal with these fucking dicks?

Dingo All right. Buckle back in.

Robbbie Oh man, so was it worth it? Guys, would you do it again? 10/10? 5/10? 0/10?

Dingo Would I do it again?

Robbbie Would you, would you- well...

Dingo On top of this? No, I’m done. I’m done.

Robbbie If you could start over, if you could start over, say no kids.

Dingo I just want to clarify. Okay. I’m done currently, but if I started over, would I have these kids again?

Robbbie Yeah.

Dingo Yeah, absolutely. I love them to death. They’re my entire world.

Robbbie Yeah, once you have them, it’s hard to imagine them away.

Dingo Yeah I can’t imagine-

Tad It’s hard to imagine life without them.

vI know, it’s one of those things where it’s just like...

Dingo Yeah, but at the same time they piss me off more than anything has ever pissed me off in my life before.

Robbbie It’s such a love-hate. Like, argh!

Dingo Yeah, you know it’s the stress is taking years off your life but it’s willing. You’re like fine, I’d rather live a shorter life based on all the stress that I’m creating for myself than not do it with these awesome kids.

Robbbie Yeah, that’s sweet. Such a sweetheart, Dingo.

Dingo Oh shut the fuck up man, oh my god. I am not.

Robbbie Have you always wanted to have kids or did you-

Dingo I did.

Robbbie did you fuck up one day and we’re like, I guess we’re doing this.

Dingo No, funny story there, but I will preface it by saying I always wanted to have kids. I always thought I would have two kids. My wife wanted three kids, so we compromised and had three.

Robbbie I know that game.

Dingo Yeah, but without giving up too much information when I was younger, cause we had kids in our mid twenties. So it was, the doctor said with my wife she has endometriosis, which for people who aren’t familiar with that, it’s, you know, a whole thing. And the doctor was like, if you want kids, you need to do it now. Cause as you get older, it’s not going to happen. So we’re like, we had to make a conscious decision. We were engaged at the time and we were going to get married and we’re like, well, we know we’re going to, we want to start a family. So we said, we just have to rush it a little. So we tried and the very first time we attempted to get pregnant, we got pregnant.

Robbbie Wow.

Dingo And I was like, I need to, I need to talk to your fucking doctor because this is bullshit. I thought maybe we had like a year. But no, we tried. It was- all the children we had were intentional. We were trying for all of them, so... I was an accident as far as my parents have told me. But none of mine were, so I’m cool with that.

Robbbie And that’s beautiful. Wow. Yeah, life works in crazy ways like that. Sometimes it just happens right away. Some people it’s, it’s rough, too, because when you have friends that you think might be trying and you don’t want to ask because it’s, it’s one of those sore subjects for a lot of people, if they if they’re trying and they can’t and it’s it’s it’s rough. And I get that. And sometimes it just happens right away. And I don’t know.

Dingo I do, I feel for people that want kids and can’t have them because apparently it’s really easy for me. So no, not rubbing it in anyone’s face, but also how do you tell people? Like, it’s just so weird to be like, are you trying for kids? I’m like, do- Grandma, do you want me to tell you that I’m raw dogging your granddaughter right now? Like, like, it’s just such an open way to tell you at Thanksgiving. Like, yes, we’re trying for kids, you know. That’s, we’ll leave it at that. Why is everyone so interested?

Robbbie Yes, we were having sex-

Dingo That’s a side note, side note.

Robbbie every evening. Every other evening.

Dingo Yes. Yep. Blastin’ loads in your granddaughter. Thank you. We’ll see you at Christmas.

Robbbie Blast load, get the towel, rinse, repeat.

Dingo Hopefully, you got the shot.

Tad I’d say as a young man, I’d wanted kids. I did go through a phase in my 20s where I was like, you know, how can anyone bring a kid into this effed up world we have here?

Robbbie Sure.

Tad You know,

Dingo I’m revisiting that thought now in my thirties.

be there for them?

Tad I still kind of felt that way, even after, you know, we got married and questioned like you know is this is this how is this gonna be what kind of future’s gonna

Robbbie Yeah.

Tad And then we had kids so... We struggled. We did struggle to have kids. Lost a few along the way.

Robbbie That’s rough.

Tad It’s rough.

Dingo Those were intentional that you lost.

Tad Yeah. Before our first and between the two. We lost. We lost them. And it’s tough, especially the first one, because we’re so excited. So you know, you make the announcements, you tell all your friends, and then you got to go back.

Dingo Now, did you wait the recommended 12 weeks before telling everyone? Or was it more of an earlier...

Tad I think if I remember correctly the first pregnancy was we announced pretty early, eight weeks maybe.

Dingo I mean, that’s not that early.

Tad And then the second go around, were like, we’re not going to say anything at all.

Dingo Yeah.

Robbbie Yeah. And did it become unviable early, like kinda early on? Or, cause it’s tougher when it’s later.

trimester.

Tad This yeah, the second one was she was pretty far along and maybe just getting into second

Robbbie Jeez.

Tad Like we thought we were in the clear and turns out we weren’t. It was rough.

Dingo That’s a tough one.

Robbbie Yeah, that’s really tough. I mean, it could happen at any time for any reason to anyone and you never know. It’s scary. The whole time is scary, even when everything seems okay. But yeah, it’s...

Dingo Yeah even when everything is okay, it’s still scary.

Tad Yeah, even once they’re out and human, it’s

Robbbie Yeah, right.

Tad still scary.

Dingo Yeah, it’s been 10 years, I’m still scared.

Robbbie Yeah, these kids.

Dingo I mean, it could be another 10 years and I’m still scared like, look at the Menendez brothers. You never know.

Tad Different fears at that point, right?

Dingo Yeah, yeah, but I’m still scared every night I go to bed. I’m like don’t you fucking do it.

Robbbie I think the moral of the story here is don’t diddle your kids. Wait. There-

Dingo That’s not what rearing means. I already looked it up.

Robbbie Also, yes. Don’t get Menendez’d, don’t rear your kids when you’re rearing your kids and you should be fine.

Dingo Yeah, don’t be rich. Don’t be wealthy and your kids won’t want to kill you for your money.

Robbbie Well, you know, did you watch any of the documentaries? It’s not about the money. It’s about they were diddling them.

Dingo The Menendez brothers? I remember the court cases, but I did not watch the documentaries.

Robbbie Man they like kept it out of the court case that was the whole thing. The, the dad was diddling at least one of the kids. The mom knew about it and she was just like she didn’t do anything wrong per se but she didn’t do anything and she knew. And the one other brother was like I’m gonna protect you and then like they hatched a plan and, pow pow...

Dingo Really? I feel like I missed out on so much just watching the US legal system.

Robbbie Well, yeah, hence the moral of don’t diddle your kids you shouldn’t be scared.

message,

Dingo I mean, I just thought you were coming out of left field with that, but it was a good so I just let it fly.

Robbbie It’s, it is a good message and it’s relevant. I promise. There’s relevance there.

Dingo Okay, I didn’t know it was relevant, but yeah, I stand by it either way. Do not diddle yours or anyone else’s children.

Robbbie Regardless of the relevance, don’t do it. Never diddle kids.

Dingo Don’t worry if they’re gonna kill you. It’s just the wrong thing to do.

Robbbie It doesn’t matter whose kids.

Dingo Just leave the fucking kids alone, Jesus.

Robbbie Alright, this is too much, sorry, this is- Anyways, I digress.

Dingo This is an educational podcast.

Robbbie Yeah, oh my god. I’m learning so much.

Dingo I told you, I refuse to learn anything, so please.

Robbbie We’re not taking in new information today. Forgot. Apologies. I too always wanted to have kids. I feel like just always, ever since forever, wanted them, knew I wanted them. That was like my one main deal breaker when dating or- You know, I didn’t even do a lot of dating per se, you know? I just did college and I met my wife and then... Boom. But, she checked all my boxes early on. It was easy and I didn’t have to go through all that. But I mean, that would have been my real deal breaker is if you don’t want kids then I don’t see a future.

Dingo Yeah. Tangent, how long have you been with your wife?

Robbbie Good question. We’ve been together for...

Dingo It’s not a good question, you should know that.

Robbbie It’s a question.

Dingo It is a question.

Robbbie It’s a fine question. Fifine. Brought to you by Fifine microphones.

Dingo Are they a sponsor? Because they should be.

Robbbie They should sponsor us. I’m pretty sure they’re gonna pay us after hearing this.

Dingo I got the white one, just remember, I paid extra.

Robbbie Yeah, it comes in white and black and you know what? I believe there’s a pink option.

Tad Tell me that now.

Dingo God, I paid $2 for the white one. Yeah, Jesus.

Robbbie But I got the nice silky smooth black. No.

Dingo You did. You stalled long enough to do the math. How long have you been with your wife?

Robbbie No, I know how long I’ve been with my wife. We’ve been together for 10 years, actually going on 11 years in April. We’ve been together, so it’s been a chunk of change.

Tad How many years married?

Robbbie Together. Married since 2018, September 2018, so, you can do the math there... what, six years going on seven.

Dingo Yep. Math checks out.

Robbbie Math checks. The math maths. I’m decent at numbers. Known to number. But yeah, me and my wife, she didn’t go to my school, my college, but her best friend did and she came and visited. We kicked it off when we met. Honestly, the first day that I met her in person, I told her I was going to marry her. And I did.

Dingo That is a bold move.

Robbbie Yeah, no, I- I’m a man of my word. I know what I’m about, son.

Dingo If it didn’t- if it didn’t play out like that, you would seem like a total psycho. So I’m glad it was right.

Robbbie Yeah, you know, and I don’t, I don’t use that line. That wasn’t like a line I used on everyone either, but I can see that backfiring and looking kind of psychotic. But no, I knew. I knew. Man of my word.

Dingo I mean you do know. You know.

Robbbie I just had a feeling. I had a feeling. Still have that feeling. I think... I think that she’s going to say yes. No, we’re well past that.

Dingo Did she not yet? She’s playing the long game.

Robbbie I don’t know if she explicitly said yes, but I mean...

Dingo She’s like, all right, I’ll do it, but...

Robbbie We’re living together. We have all these kids. You know. But yeah, it’s been, it’s been a nice almost 11 years together. I feel like time is just flying. These kids keep getting bigger and bigger.

Dingo Yeah it does that. It does that.

Tad I’ve been with my wife for... 22 years together,

Dingo Oh shit, I thought I was gonna win.

Tad going on 14 years married.

Robbbie That’s a long time. Are you at the point where you’ve been married or together longer?

Tad One more year...

Dingo One more and you’re done. You’re done.

Tad Yep. And then we are together longer than not. Yep.

Dingo Oh, my bad. I thought one more year and you were done.

Robbbie One more year and you’re calling it.

Dingo One more year and I’m moving on.

Robbbie Tie a bow on it.

Dingo Contract expired.

Robbbie It was a 22 year contract. It was a good one, you know. We tried it. You tried it.

Dingo That is solid. That is the biggest contract wasted since Daniel Jones. But we’re not going to do football. This is parenting.

Robbbie Go birds! Ugh. Your poor, poor, Giants. Could you imagine if the Giants had someone like Saquon Barkley?

Dingo Nope, can’t. Nope.

Tad I bet he had good parents.

Dingo I have no idea what that’s like, but you don’t have any idea what four championships feel like either so

Robbbie We’ll get there.

Dingo we’ll just move on and continue- You say that but it’s been so long since the Super Bowl era and you couldn’t do it.

Robbbie Listen, since I moved to my wife’s hometown, the birds have been to three Super Bowls. It’s been like, what, eight years, I think I’ve been here. So there’s some good luck around here and...

Dingo That’s cool, I’m glad you went to the Super Bowl. Glad you went there.

Robbbie We have won one of two. We’re going to a third. We might win this one as well. So we could we could win 67% of all Super Bowls since I moved here. And, you know, as an Eagles fan growing up, did not get to go to a lot. I went to one Super Bowl before this. And now we’ve had three in the, in the recent past, so. I feel good, I feel good for our future.

Dingo As your friend, I’m happy for you. As a Giants fan, go fuck yourself.

Robbbie Yeah, no, I get that. Fuck you, obligatorily. But...

Dingo Yes. Yep. Nope. Accept that. Thank you.

Robbbie Anyways, again, digressing. Parenting.

Dingo Yes, back to the topic at hand.

Robbbie So you know what? I think I think I want to make an announcement.

Dingo Are you pregnant?

Robbbie Cause why not? Just let me finish.

Dingo Okay.

Robbbie I’m pregnant. Actually. We are pregnant.

Tad Oh shit, congratulations.

Robbbie This is relevant to this conversation. Yes. We-

Dingo Wait.

Robbbie I haven’t even told my parents yet. No, this is real.

Dingo Are you fucking with us?

Robbbie I’m dead ass real. I’m not fucking with you.

Dingo If I found out you’re fucking with us, I’m going to be so upset.

Robbbie I am going to have another baby boy.

Dingo Really?

Robbbie Really, really.

Tad Three under five, huh?

Robbbie Three under five. Oh, why would you say that? Alright, nevermind.

Dingo Wait no, do the math. Yeah, it’s still going to be under five. I did the math real quick. Well, congratulations,

Robbbie Appreciate that.

Dingo since it’s just silent.

Robbbie We were, we were about to announce it. She wants to announce on Valentine’s Day. That’s in about a week, a week and a half.

Dingo Yeah, well, this isn’t going to come out until after that and you’ll tell your family and everything but, amazing.

everyone and I’m just like, what the f- what is going on here?

Robbbie She’s already told her family and then she told her friends and she’s just telling I thought we had rules about this.

Dingo Ugh. Wait, how far along? How far along?

Robbbie I don’t know, 18 weeks or so? It happened in...

Dingo Oh, you’re past the point where people will shame you.

Robbbie Right, no, I’m not feeling shame. I feel ready to share with you guys. I still need to tell my parents. Have not told them yet.

Dingo Yeah, you gotta do that. Do you want me to do it?

Tad Yeah, you should probably get on that.

Robbbie Yeah, could guys tell them? They’re gonna be really excited.

Dingo Can you three way call me in and be like, Dingo has something to tell you.

wanted two boys and a girl.

Robbbie Dingo needs to tell you something. Go ahead Dingo. Yeah, no, this is very exciting. Another boy. You know, it’s honestly, it’s what I’ve actually really what I wanted is I’ve always That’s- I don’t know. Do you guys have a preference? What was your preference? If since you guys wanted kids, I’m sure you wanted something.

Tad I was hoping for a one-and-one. You know, I got what I got. I’m not upset about it.

Robbbie Sure.

Dingo Just don’t let them listen to this podcast. I got what I got.

Robbbie I’m not tryna make anyone feel any kind of way. I apologize for that.

Dingo No, you get what you get.

Tad I’m definitely raising my younger daughter to be a boy.

Robbbie Yeah, there you go.

Dingo Democrats.

Robbbie Fucking libs. Yeah, I, you know, I wanted at least one of each. That was what I wanted. I wanted at least one of each. So the first one was a boy, second one was a girl. I was like, I am happy. I’ve always wanted three. I feel like when there’s three of them, they’re a team. When it’s two of them, they’re competing against one another. And I wanted them to be a team. And the third one, you know, I didn’t really care as much. I was like, whatever it is, boy or girl, I have one of each. I’m happy with whatever I get. But deep down, I wanted more boys. I feel like my, my dad was an only child. I was- I only have a sister, so I didn’t have a brother. It’s always been like one one boy in our line passed down and the boy has to survive, you know, to pass the name down. Not that the name is special or anything, but. It’s nice to kind of branch out that way, you know?

Dingo That is how people feel though.

Robbbie Yeah, yeah, it’s...

Dingo So speaking as someone who has three kids. First, I wanted a boy just because I know boys, I am one. So I was like, well, I can, I can figure that shit out. And then we wanted a girl, like Tad said, we wanted one of each to balance it out. We got another boy and I was like, all right, that’s cool. I can do this again. And then the third one, we were like, I still wanted a girl for the third one. Cause I was like, I do want both, but my wife was like, I’m a boy mom at this point like I know boys so you know it’s it’s probably gonna be a boy just based on you know, that’s what we do and then we got a girl and it was I don’t know, it’s great. They’re both great. There’s pros and cons, obviously. The girl is a much better listener.

Robbbie Yeah.

Tad You got lucky there.

Dingo Yeah, I will say the boys are absolutely ruining her. She’s a psychopath. Like, she just climbs on shit and is like, ahhhh, and jumping off and she’s a...

Robbbie Mine’s the same exact way.

Dingo Yeah, it’s, it’s, it’s definitely you can see the, the nurture over nature in that aspect. But you, I just want to warn you, you will be moving to zone defense now. You’re outnumbered. It’s not man to man anymore.

Robbbie Jeez.

Dingo And just people lie to you. Parents lie to you all the time. They’re like, yeah, going from one kid to two kids, it’s really tough, but two to three, you don’t even know the difference. It’s easy, you’re already used to having multiple kids. It’s a lie. Two to three hurts just as much as one to two.

Robbbie I appreciate the honesty,

Dingo But congratulations, yeah.

Robbbie but like fuck you but thanks.

Dingo No, but you’re good. You got it.

Robbbie No it’s gonna be it’s gonna be a lot I’m aware.

Dingo It is a lot. And, you know, don’t go into it thinking it’s not going to be a lot, but it’s awesome. It’s another kid. It’s another part of the family. So congratulations to you and your wife and don’t fuck it up. I don’t know.

Tad Yeah, definitely don’t fuck it up.

Dingo Yeah, we have enough shitty people. Robbbie, don’t add another one.

Robbbie I really, really can’t fuck this up, guys. Oh my god, pressure’s on.

Dingo Yeah, we’re not gonna forgive you if you do.

Robbbie Oh man.

Dingo And then I hope she comes out white.

Robbbie He.

Dingo You know? He.

Robbbie I’m praying for a white one again.

Dingo Yeah, cause it’s just gonna be the whole conversation if he’s not.

Tad There’ll be so many questions if he’s not.

Dingo Yeah, it’s gonna be a whole thing. She, Tad, I already fucked it up.

Robbbie And and it’s not a it’s not a thing where it needs to be white or anything it just like it’s the question surrounding the whiteness-

Dingo No it needs to. It needs to be white at this point. You’re both white.

Robbbie Oh man, that’s yeah.

Dingo Cut it out in post.

Robbbie We’ll cut that in post. I’m not in trouble at all. Anyways, no, they were all planned. This one, we wanted it. Let’s be real, we were being reckless on purpose.

Dingo Yeah.

Robbbie It happened immediately. We were not, we were just like, fuckin’ around, you know. Remember that time on her birthday?

Tad I think that’s honestly I think that’s the easiest way to do it. I feel like when you’re-

Dingo It’s less pressure.

Tad when you’re actively trying and you have that stress of like you know we’re doing this to do this,

Robbbie Yeah.

Tad it adds it adds that layer of something

Dingo Absolutely it does.

Tad that makes it harder to to to work.

Dingo It’s like your sperm has performance anxiety. It’s like, just let them go.

Tad Like let’s go if this happens it happens like...

Robbbie Yeah. I mean, the first one, it happened pretty fast. It was like first month, maybe two. I don’t even think it was that long. It hit. Second one, she took, she took a while. Honestly, it took a long time and we were struggling.

Dingo I like that you immediately blamed her.

Robbbie What? No, her as in the girl, the girl,

Dingo Oh okay. Yeah.

Robbbie because she, the second one was my daughter. So not her, my wife, her, my daughter. Apologies.

Dingo She’s not gonna listen to this, it’s fine.

Robbbie Yeah, right. She doesn’t give a shit what I do.

Dingo It’s her fault, bitch.

Robbbie Alright, well, hold on there. Are you talking about my wife or my daughter? Either way.

Dingo Either way, just pick one. Doesn’t matter.

Robbbie But no that that one she took I think maybe nine ten months to before she hit and that one we spent longer trying and we were worried, we were like we kind of wanted another one in the back of our mind, we weren’t really sure, but since the second one took a lot longer, we were like, maybe we should get started sooner. So we were kind of just casually like, eh, we’ll be reckless about it. It was just like one and done. Done. I was just sitting here one day and then she called from the bathroom. She’s like, ummm... I’m pregnant. And I was like, what? How?

Dingo Is it mine?

Robbbie Literally, yeah, literally, weren’t even barely trying, barely trying. So from going from like trying for nearly a year to barely even trying, though it was intentional, it was not expected. Put it that way.

Dingo I, yeah, I know the feeling. It’s especially when you’re trying for a while. Once it finally hits, you’re like, are you sure? Like you don’t almost don’t believe it.

Robbbie We were just laughing.

Dingo I know that’s not the case here, but it’s, it’s like, the whole thing is weird to be honest.

Robbbie Yeah, I hear ya, you never know.

Dingo The whole, the whole thing of like, you’re just doing it and then you pee on a stick. And I don’t know the whole idea of finding out you’re pregnant is just weird to me. But I guess I overthink it.

Robbbie Yeah, I-

Dingo It’s what people have been doing for millennia.

Robbbie Just don’t try-

Dingo But we didn’t have pee sticks, so.

Robbbie Yeah you know it was

Dingo Pee sticks are new.

Robbbie funny the second time around when it was like we were struggling she was like always complaining like people who are like constantly getting pregnant and they who don’t want it they’re like drinking and doing drugs and like out partying and all of a sudden they’re pregnant like I’m desperately trying to. Tracking my schedule like doing it at timed intervals and like tracking my ovulation and like, what’s going on? You just just never know sometimes it just it happens sometimes it doesn’t, you know.

Dingo That’s the crazy part.

Robbbie There’s no real trick to it.

Dingo You’re like being super scientific about it. And then people are getting like seven abortions a year. They’re like, why won’t it stop?

Robbbie Is that what’s happening? People are getting seven abortions a year. Jeez.

Dingo Well, I mean, I just threw that number out, but you never know.

Robbbie Plus or minus, I don’t know, eight, nine.

Dingo Yeah, give or take. You know, my punch card isn’t full, but you know, I’m almost up for a free abortion at the clinic. You know, buy ten get one free.

Robbbie Oh god, could you imagine if they had punch cards? Oh god, the right wing media would lose their fucking shit. We should make some punch cards. And...

Dingo Dingo Daily abortion punch cards.

Robbbie No,

Dingo Buy ten get one free.

Robbbie we should not sponsor them. We should, we should punch-

Tad Too late.

Robbbie But we should punch a few out and then send it to Fox News and see what happens.

Dingo I was making ’em. I wasn’t sponsoring ’em.

Robbbie Well, we don’t want to write on the card, Dingo Daily punch card- abortion cards.

Dingo We don’t? Okay. All right.

Robbbie No, we’ll add like a Planned Parenthood... Blame someone else, make it look legit.

Dingo Oh. I’m just gonna pay for abortions.

Robbbie Yeah, I guess we could just do that too. I was just trying to troll people, I suppose. Sounds like you’re just trying to get a bunch of abortions.

Dingo Go to

Robbbie I don’t think we’re talking about the same thing here.

Dingo gofundme.com/dingodaily and sign up for your new abortion punch card. We’ll sp- it’s if the show will pay for it, it’s a tax write-off, it’s fine.

Robbbie Four abortions, fifth one free. I mean, you gotta pay for some of them. We’re not gonna subsidize all of your abortions, that’s crazy.

Dingo No, you gotta get ten and then we’ll pay for your 10th one.

Robbbie Okay.

Dingo Your 11th, no, 11th, you get a, yeah, no, they pay for ten and then we’ll do the 11th one.

Robbbie Okay, okay. That’s fair.

Tad So, speaking on abortions and people that probably shouldn’t have kids,

Dingo Have kids, yeah.

Tad what do we think about a parenting test to be approved before you can have kids?

Robbbie That’s a question, Tad. And I have mixed feelings on it.

Dingo I’m fine with it now that I already have my kids because I would fail it immediately.

Robbbie I think it’s crazy that anyone can have kids. I think that anyone- I have such mixed feelings. I think anyone should be able to have kids. And I think it’s crazy that anyone should be able to have kids. And both of those feelings exist in my mind.

Dingo Yeah, I get that.

Robbbie It’s like, there should be a test, but there shouldn’t.

Dingo I understand my right to have children. And at the same time, I’m like, why did somebody let me have kids? They’re just going to be like me, and nobody wants that.

Robbbie Yeah, yeah, I just like some people, some people really should not have kids. It sounds bad potentially to say it, but some people, some-

Tad That’s absolutely true.

Robbbie Absolutely true, right?

Dingo Well, you open the news every day and somebody’s like beating their kids or neglecting their kids or some kid died because they were- just a couple years ago down the street from me, somebody left their autistic kid out in the freezing cold garage. They made them sleep out there and they were like peeing themselves and they died. The kid died, froze to death at night, covered in their own piss. Like it’s unimaginable what some people do to their kids. And yeah, that’s the thing that makes me think, oh yeah, test them. Test people. Test everyone. Test me. If I fail, fine, I can’t have kids. But-

Robbbie Yeah.

Dingo I don’t know. There’s so much bad in the world that maybe I’m just jaded. I don’t know.

Robbbie No, I am too. That’s the problem is like, I don’t see the best in people. Like overall. Which is a bad thing to say, also maybe. But like, there’s a lot of bad people out there. I mean, there’s a lot of good people. You average it out, whatever. I don’t know, sure. Maybe there’s more good than bad, but like, it’s not even bad. It’s like, there’s stupidity. There’s ignorance. There’s like, just negligence. So much just like... People don’t care. All the apathy out there. I wouldn’t trust most people with my kids.

Dingo No, nobody does. That’s why they have like websites where you vet people to watch your kids.

Robbbie Yeah.

Dingo Like you have to hire a babysitter and you have to scrutinize. We don’t have a babysitter. We just wait until like a relative is free to watch them because I don’t know, just most people are shitty.

Tad Same, we’ve never had an outside babysitter that wasn’t family.

Dingo Yeah, you just you don’t know what you’re getting even if you interview them and talk to them and you feel like you know them like so many people have gotten screwed by that situation that I don’t know it’s just I’m super apprehensive.

Robbbie Yeah. So there actually is some examples of this happening in the real world. If you look in at Denmark, they have implemented a parenting test. Where you

Dingo Really?

Robbbie do- yeah, you need to take a test to in order to keep your kids. If you have kids, then they will take them away from you if you don’t pass this test. And it’s. It’s all fine and dandy overall, but there’s an issue with Greenland. So Greenland is like a territory of Denmark and they don’t speak the same language. They don’t have the same culture as Denmark. So this test is skewed against people from Greenland and they’re taking kids away from Greenlandic mothers and... saying you can’t have kids because you’re not passing this test and the problem is can’t read the test. So there’s other issues there.

Tad That seems like an easy fix

Robbbie Yeah, right.

Tad if they could just offer the test in their language.

Dingo Yeah, it does seem like an easy fix. Just become part of America.

Robbbie Yeah, right, just gonna become part of America, Greenland. That’s so easy.

Dingo That’s what we’ve been saying for days now, weeks now. What are we at? We’re just gonna, we’re gonna fix you.

Robbbie But then issues like this could pop up here too. So let’s say we had parenting tests here and now we have all these migrants coming.

Dingo Oh no, this is America, you can’t do that.

Robbbie Yeah, we have people who can’t read English and they take this test, they fail it. Some of these migrants might have more kids than some Americans. Now what are we going to with all these kids? Now we’re coming into other issues here. Like what?

Dingo Send them to El Salvador.

Robbbie People are going to fail this test. It’s not even just not even just migrants. Like, let’s be real. This is not a language issue. There are some terrible Americans.

Dingo No, I mean, obviously I’m joking, but yeah, there are plenty of fucking idiots here. We’re full of them.

Robbbie Oh yeah, so like what would we do with all these kids? It doesn’t seem realistic. I don’t understand how they’re even really doing it in Denmark, especially with this whole Greenland issue. But like we...

Dingo Well, how many countries are experiencing a decline in population and they’re freaking out?

Robbbie That’s true.

Dingo Like, how does that tie in?

Robbbie But isn’t that also good? Let’s be real.

Dingo I think so, everyone’s freaking out. That’s a capitalist notion where we need more people to work and continue the production lines and

Robbbie Yeah, but what about

Dingo yada yada yada.

Robbbie finite resources? Right?

Dingo Yeah, fuck those.

Robbbie Like, everyone needs to eat and like, you can get into like, okay, there’s enough food to feed everyone in the world. World hunger still exists. There’s just logistics issue and other yada yada, whatever. But, I mean...

Dingo Yeah, how much food the US throws out alone.

Robbbie Yeah, that’s a whole other conversation, but I’m saying you still got to feed everyone. You still got to house everyone. You still got- everyone needs resources and it’s, it’s limited. So, so what if the population goes down? Is that a real issue or are we solving a resource demand issue, you know? I don’t know.

Dingo I mean, personally, I think the population needs to go down, but

Robbbie Yeah, right, again, people-

Dingo apparently that’s a super controversial topic. So I don’t know.

Robbbie I don’t know, some of these people, yeah. This is a very controversial first episode that we’re doing here.

Dingo It is and all I’m saying-

Robbbie Saying we hate everyone, everyone’s dumb, don’t listen to us because we probably don’t like you. No, I’m sorry, don’t.

Dingo Listen, if you need me to get rid of one of my kids, just put a price down. That’s all I’m saying.

Robbbie Yeah, so I end of the day I, I don’t see a parenting test as feasible as much as it is probably necessary

Dingo Is necessitated. Yeah. Yeah, we need it, but we’re not going to do it. So shut up.

Robbbie You’re gonna have concentration camps full of kids.

Tad Enforcement would be the hardest part, especially if it’s like a post-pregnancy test type of, do you get to keep this child?

Dingo Yeah, hopefully they wouldn’t just, you know, get rid of the kid if you fail. Maybe not post-pregnancy. Maybe pre-pregnancy.

Robbbie I mean they let you have the kid but then they put it into the foster system.

Dingo Oh man, that seems...

Tad Yeah, that doesn’t seem like the proper route.

Dingo that seems fiscally irresponsible, Republicans. What if you had to take a test before you got pregnant? Let me flesh this out, hold on. And if you didn’t, there was a fine. You got pregnant without passing your test, there’s a fine of... what’s a reasonable amount? Ten thousand dollars.

Robbbie That’s a lot of money.

Dingo You have to pay ten thousand dollars if you get... pregnant without passing your parenting test.

Robbbie So crackhead Jane just got pregnant and she failed her test and she owes $10,000.

Dingo She didn’t even take the test. Jane, you stupid bitch, what were you doing? It’s free. It’s free. It’s administered by the state.

Tad I’ll tell you what she was doing, smoking crack.

Robbbie She was smoking crack.

Dingo God damn it, Jane, we told you. Don’t do the crack.

Robbbie This is why you’re not going to be able to keep your crack babies, Jane.

Dingo Jane, Jane, Jane, you just don’t have 10,000 on you. What do you do? Do you serve jail time?

Robbbie See then now we’re subsidizing her jail time. We’re giving her meals and and housing and-

Dingo This is so complicated.

Robbbie For some people prison is better than real life and that’s really messed up.

Dingo Can I, I told you to stop bringing up the jail story, Robbbie.

Robbbie What happened?

Dingo We’ll do it at a later date.

Robbbie How did you get there?

Dingo It’s just jail, it’s not prison,

Robbbie It’s just jail.

Dingo we told you.

Robbbie It’s just jail.

Dingo And also, Tad said it, pick on him.

Robbbie Tad, where are you, man?

Dingo It was just a drunk It was just a drunk tank.

Robbbie Of course it was.

Tad It wasn’t. It was not. And I got there like a lot of people do, just being dumb.

Dingo Just horsin’ around.

Tad Just making bad decisions.

Robbbie Classic.

Dingo Just horsing around getting locked up.

Robbbie So, let’s see, what else do we have here? What’s your favorite age so far? We haven’t gotten too far in ages. I mean, well, you guys are...

Dingo 33 was pretty great.

Robbbie Well, not your age. Your kids.

Dingo Oh my apologies.

Robbbie The answer’s 24, obvi- eh I don’t know. I don’t know what the answer is there. Feels like it’s in the 20s though.

Tad I think five.

Robbbie Five, that’s a good age.

Tad Yeah.

Dingo Five’s pretty cool.

Tad Yeah, you can have full conversations. They’re

Robbbie I like that.

Tad very- learning how to be independent, finding their personality. And they’re not a bitch yet.

Robbbie Yet.

Dingo Okay, well speaking- That’s a girl, dad. As somebody speaking from a five-year-old boy, you can’t have full conversations with them. They’re still idiots.

Tad Well, I’m not saying she’s not an idiot, but she can carry a conversation.

Dingo Yeah, they can’t. The boys, they can’t. They just walk in the room and they’re just like, “Look at this”. And then they just headbutt something and you’re like, okay, are you alright? And they’re just like, “AAARRGGHH” and they run off.

Robbbie That sounds about right.

Dingo It’s just, it’s stupid. It’s just stupid. Don’t get me wrong. I love it. And I think it’s hilarious. And I wait until they leave the room to crack up. Cause I don’t want to reinforce that behavior,

Robbbie Of course.

Dingo but at the same time, it’s fucking funny. I don’t know.

Robbbie So... Well...

Dingo But yeah, the girls are way better.

Robbbie What do you like better? Dingo, I guess is more for you. Boys or girls? Is there a preference? I guess there’s differences.

Dingo As a parent, girls are better, at this age. I can’t speak for teenagers yet. I hear that sucks.

Robbbie Yeah.

Dingo But as parent, girls are easier. As a dude, boys are way funnier.

Robbbie Yeah, I feel that. I mean, I have so much fun with my boy. He’s fun and I play with him and he’s funny and all that. But my girl, she’s like, she’s my sweetheart. She cuddles me, she hugs me. She’s just like, she’s such a daddy’s girl. And like, I feel like I get that like a softer side. And don’t get me wrong,

Dingo Yeah, I play dolls.

Robbbie she can be rough and tumble too.

Dingo I’ll have a tea party. It’s so adorable.

Robbbie Oh yeah, I’ll do all that. Girl Dad Life.

Tad Love a good tea party.

Dingo I love a good tea party. I’ll cuddle and watch Moana with you. Whatever you want to do. It’s fine. You’re my baby girl.

Robbbie What are your biggest fears with parenting and what are your biggest regrets so far?

Tad Hmm.

Robbbie Yeah, this is a loaded question.

Tad Hmm. It’s a tough one.

Robbbie I mean, I’ll start off, my biggest fear is just like, they all die. Let’s be real here, that’s obvious.

Tad That is a big fear.

Dingo That’s the front runner from the gate. You know, keep it alive.

Robbbie That’s an easy fear, but I mean, I guess longer term? I feel like...

Tad I really hope they’re not stupid.

Robbbie Yeah, that’s a good one. I just don’t wanna fuck ’em up. I don’t want him to be like,

Dingo Yeah.

Robbbie I don’t know, non-functioning members of society.

Dingo So.

Tad I definitely don’t want them to be able to blame me for their problems as adults.

Robbbie Yes.

those.

Dingo Yeah, I can picture before my first child was born. I vividly remember this conversation. I was sitting on the chair in our room and my wife was laying on the bed, super pregnant. We were about a week out and I was just staring off into the distance thinking we had this whole thing. She had the hypnotic birth CD. She was going through a whole book of how she wanted her birthing to go, you know, all Yeah, just like crunchy granola moms that are like, you know, I don’t want anyone stressful in the room. And I’m like, and I was just staring off thousand yard stare and she was like, what are you thinking about? And I was like, I just, don’t, I don’t want this kid to be like me. And she’s like, what do mean? I was just like, I just, I just, I want better for him. And I think just inherently, I don’t want to say all parents, but good parents just want better for their kids. So whatever that means to you, like if you’re struggling with whatever, you don’t want your kids to struggle with that. If you feel this way, you don’t want your kids to feel this way. You are scared. You don’t want your kids to be scared of anything. So just whatever you are, you want better for them.

Robbbie Yeah.

Dingo And I think that was my biggest fear is failing them in the way that they would struggle with the things that I struggled with or overthink the things that I overthought or you just want things to be easy for them and you want them to only feel loved and you want them to only succeed. But as they’re born and you go through their childhood, you realize, oh the fact that they will struggle with things and they will fail things that builds their character and you don’t know that until after you’re actually experiencing it.

Robbbie Yeah.

Dingo So I think all of my fears were, were, were just those. They were fears and they were founded in no reality whatsoever. Yeah, I don’t know. That wasn’t... That was dramatic, maybe.

Robbbie Yeah, this is supposed to be a comedy podcast, so like,

Dingo Yeah, what the fuck?

Robbbie can you fucking lighten it up a bit?

Dingo Yeah, I was afraid they’d have a small dick.

Robbbie Can I be can I be real about my kid’s dick? Yeah, let’s talk about kid dick- No, let’s not talk about kid dicks.

Dingo Oh they’re tiny. What the fu- wha- Was mine that small at three years old? What the hell?

Robbbie Does your... This is such a weird question. I don’t even want to talk about this. This is...

Dingo Shoot, we can cut it out in post.

Robbbie Does your kid get, get hard-ons?

Dingo Yep. Laying on the couch, no nothing on, completely nude, just like flicking it.

Robbbie My kid will get random- ever since he was born. I’m not talking about like recently, like he’s always been able to get it up and like seeing a baby boner is the weirdest shit.

Dingo It is, and you’re like, put that shit away, and they’re like, what? And you’re just like watching Ninja Turtles, and you’re like, god damn, man, just go to bed, I don’t know.

Robbbie I don’t even want to like bring it up. I don’t, I don’t like- Let’s not talk about it.

Tad Too late.

Dingo Well, you brought it up. Tad can’t even talk about that. There’s no, he’s the only dick in his house.

Robbbie He’s got enough boners for the whole household.

Dingo Atta boy!

Tad Right?

Dingo Yeah, just like they’ll just flick it or pinch it or pull it or and you’re just like dude, you can’t do that out here.

Tad Or bop it.

Dingo Or just sitting at the table. They’re just like hands in their pants and you’re like, I know but stop.

Robbbie I gotta get that smart cock ring that tracks your boners throughout the night. Only throughout the night.

Dingo Yeah.

Robbbie Well, I suppose you could wear it throughout the day, but...

Dingo You can wear it whenever you want. You can text your son about what porn you’re watching if you’re Speaker of the House. It doesn’t matter.

Robbbie I’ll get one for me and my son on Sunday.

Dingo I’ll get one for me and Mike Johnson.

Robbbie Johnson... he probably uses that too.

Dingo He doesn’t need to.

Robbbie So weird. Right-wing people are so weird. Religious kooks.

Dingo Yeah, it’s...

Robbbie Masturbation. This- this app will tell me when my son is masturbating and it’ll tell my son when I’m masturbating. It’s really good. It’s our MasterBuddy app.

Dingo That’s so weird. What is it called for people out there that want it? I don’t remember.

Robbbie Fucking God is watching. No, it’s like the commandments or something.

Tad They’re accountability buddies.

Robbbie The accountabilibuddies.

Dingo Yeah, anyone that wants this, you can Google it. It’s a cock ring that measures your boners throughout the night.

Robbbie Well, we’re talking about two things here.

Dingo I’m talking about the boner ring.

Robbbie Well there’s the cock ring and there’s the masturbation app.

Dingo Oh, go on.

Robbbie Well, the one that Mike Johnson uses.

Dingo Oh, there’s an actual app? I thought he just like texted his son like, my bad.

Robbbie Could you imagine? No, it’s an app.

Dingo That’s what I was imagining, yeah.

Robbbie Okay, it’s called Covenant Eyes. Okay, it’s an app. It’s called Covenant Eyes. Obviously, it’s, it’s very religious and what it does is you, you plug it into your web browser and you you give it your your accountabilibuddy’s contact information and every time that your web browser detects that you’re looking at something untoward it will text your accountabilibuddy and be like hey your dad’s jacking it. Because he does this with his- Mike Johnson, the Speaker of the House of the United States of America, does this with his son, his teenage son, and they are each other’s Covenant Eyes, so they watch over each other’s masturbatory practices, and every time one of them cranks up the old Google Chrome porn machine, it texts the other one and hey, I’m jacking it.

Tad I mean, that’s not gonna make that kid a weird adult at all.

Robbbie No, of course not.

Dingo Honestly, I feel like it’s skewed in the kid’s favor. Like at that age, you could just grab a magazine or anything like, you know, Sears.

Robbbie A magazine in 2025? How dare you?

Dingo Yeah, do you remember the hormones flying at that? Like if you look at a tree that looks like it has boobs, you’re like,

Robbbie Yeah, yeah it does not take much.

Dingo Yeah, to be like 15 again? You just think about it. If you’re showering and the water hits you just right, you’re just like, well, we’re doing this. Like that kid’s all right. But if you get a text from your dad’s porn stash, that will fuck you up. So I guess he doesn’t stand a chance either way. If you get a text in the middle of the night that’s like, hey, your dad’s beating it right now, I guess that’s a... Yeah, goddamn.

Robbbie Right?

Dingo They’re just ruining the next generation ahead of them.

Robbbie Just get a notification. Dad’s jacking it again.

Dingo Hey, Dad’s jacking it again.

Robbbie I’m trying to find the app. Alright, so then there’s another thing too. Not the app, the cock ring. So that’s the-

Dingo I’m upset that there’s more than one.

Robbbie Well, this is, it’s a different thing. Uh oh. I got the message from the wife. Can you shut up the boy? I’m trying to get this girl to sleep.

Dingo That she’s jacking it.

Robbbie She’s jacking it. Oh. I just got the notification, she’s jacking it.

Dingo She’s watching porn.

Robbbie But then there’s also this smart cock ring that you put on your penis at night and it tracks your erections and there’s like a certain amount of erections you should be getting for a certain amount of time that means you’re a virile and healthy man. So that’s something you can do with your son as well. Alright. Okay, so... What would you say is your worst parenting moment? I’m sure you’ve had some not great times.

Dingo All of them.

Robbbie Just terrible, just a whole collection of terrible moments.

Dingo If we’re being honest, I can, you know, it’s just,

Robbbie I get that.

Dingo there’s three of them. So everything’s in surround sound. If one’s crying, everyone’s crying. If one’s screaming, everyone’s screaming. So I just, I lose my patience. Yeah, it’s...

Robbbie Yeah they feed off one another. And just like, the boy is older and he understands. The girl doesn’t understand, she’s still kind of a baby. So she’ll start screaming and then he’ll scream because he thinks it’s funny and then she’ll continue screaming because he’s screaming and then they’re just screaming because the other one’s screaming and I’m just like, if you stop, then she’ll stop, like, please.

Dingo Yeah, I mean, I know my head and in my heart, if they’re screaming, you have to calm them down. But for some reason, my lizard brain kicks in. I’m just like, they’re screaming, you scream louder. And then it never works. I know that. And I know it’s not going to work, but I’m just like, you know, shut the fuck up. And like, it’s, I don’t know.

Tad It works for me.

Dingo It’s just stupid. Does it?

Tad Screaming works for me. I’m pretty chill. So it takes it takes a lot for me to lose my cool.

Robbbie Yeah.

Tad So when I do, they, they know they know they pushed too far.

Robbbie Yeah, I’m the same way, honestly. I’m a very chill person, especially compared to my wife. I’m definitely like the more chill, introverted of the two of us. So when I’m mad, it’s like, okay. But sometimes it’s just like, they keep doing it so much that I’m screaming so much that it doesn’t even have an impact anymore. Or, I don’t know. It’s getting like kind of like Dingo said they’re in surround sound so I hear-

Dingo Yeah.

Robbbie They’re teaming up on me man

Dingo Yeah. See, I have the opposite problem. I’m always,

Robbbie and it’s hard, it’s hard

Dingo I’m loud. Not in a bad way all the time. Sometimes I’m just screaming because I don’t know. I’m all riled up. So if something good’s happening, I’m like, hell yeah, fucking awesome! And if something bad’s happening, I’m like, what the fuck?! But you can’t, I don’t know. I think I’m confusing them. They’re just like, is this a happy scream or a mad scream? So I guess I don’t have that tool in my...

Robbbie Yeah, right. And then if you’re, if you’re screaming at one of them and then you’re like, oh but no, the other one don’t get, you don’t get scared. Cause I’m not screaming at you. You’re still fine. Like I’m screaming at the boy and then I smile at the girl and yeah.

Dingo There’s no one good way to go about it. It’s just like, it’s tailored to each individual child and each individual family and situation. And, uh, I don’t know. I feel like either way I’m going to screw it up. So.

Robbbie You know, I think what, what messed me up- maybe didn’t mess me up. But the first time I like screamed, I guess, raised my voice at a misbehaving child. My wife kind of got like a little juiced on it. She was like, ooooo pulling out the dad voice and like, you know, kind of like it kind of turn her on a little bit and is like, wow, OK, I’ve never seen that. It’s like a new thing. So then I was like, she likes that. So then I was. Let’s see some more dad voice and then like I’m just using dad voice every time because these kids are constantly doing it and I was just like oh at first this was like just turn your mom on but now I’m just getting mad I’m losing my voice like everything is like sucks like I was just screaming because I thought I would get lucky but no no and everything is like shit now

Dingo Now she’s like upset that you’re yelling at the kids and you’re just like, well, should I yell louder? Will that do it for you?

Robbbie Everyone shut the fuck up is like what everyone really wants, it’s like, if she’s like, if you shut the fuck up and they shut the fuck- everyone shut the fuck up

Dingo Yeah, but that’ll never happen.

Robbbie then that would really get me going.

Dingo No one will ever all shut the fuck up.

Robbbie Yeah, it’s so funny. She was like talking, she’s like pregnant right now, so she’s going through all of her things. She’s like talking to her mom. She’s like, I wanna get like a hotel and like get away from these kids and everyone. And she’s like, yeah, like you want us to like take the kids so you and, you and Robbbie can go get a hotel room. She’s like, Robbbie, no, what? I wanna get a hotel room-

Dingo No one said anything about him. You watch him too.

Robbbie Yeah, like I don’t need them, like no.

Dingo I know that’s the fantasy. The man’s fantasy is always like getting away with the wife, and the wife’s fantasy is always getting away by herself.

Robbbie Mm-hmm.

Dingo And you’re like, well, come on, let me,

Robbbie Yeah, I just

Dingo can I get the room adjacent?

Robbbie want a hotel staycation.

Dingo You know, with the doors that lock on the one side,

Robbbie No.

Dingo but like if you let me in, I can come in. Nah, she’s over it.

Robbbie Yeah, that dad voice doesn’t do it anymore. She’s like, alright, everyone’s yelling, I’m

Dingo Nah, she hates you too now.

Robbbie leaving. Bye. No,

Dingo She’s not gonna listen to this, she hates you too.

vBabe, I love you.

Robbbie she’s my perfect, perfect queen. Goddess. I know. If you ever happen to listen upon this- once we make it really, really big, and it’s gonna become unavoidable for you to listen to this, you’re gonna start from the beginning and you’re gonna hear how much I love you so much.

Dingo Just take the sound clip of you saying that and just put it on a promo. She’s not gonna listen to the whole episode ever. She has to listen to you talk all day.

Robbbie And that’ll be a promo, we’ll target that at our female audience.

Dingo Yes, sponsored by Adam and Eve. Just put code DINGO in a checkout for 10% off.

Robbbie Brought to you by Tampax pads, because you will be juicing after listening to this podcast.

Dingo I had no idea.

Robbbie I don’t think so, but who can never be sure?

Dingo Bounty the quicker picker-upper.

Robbbie So yeah, anyways, I’ve I feel like sometimes I yell and it gets too much I never I would never like hit my kids, you know, I, I never had one of those moments I feel like I’ve gotten to the point where like I give them like a hard squeeze or something, you know, like don’t do that and like.

Dingo Yeah, I’ll pick them up.

Robbbie Nothing like, I’ll never leave a mark on them. I’ll never hit them.

Dingo I’ll grab them. I’ll grab them and bring them to eye level, but that’s about it.

Robbbie Yeah, it’s hard not to have your moments, but I mean, don’t think I would ever like absolutely lose it, black out, do something I shouldn’t have. But there’s been times, you know, they’re gonna do it.

Dingo Were your parents physical disciplinarians?

Robbbie No, never.

Tad Occasionally. Not- not

Dingo Occasionally?

Tad not overly aggressive. You know, slap in the face every now and then.

Dingo Hmm.

Tad My grandma though. She was,

Robbbie Oh yeah?

Tad She was one to be feared.

Robbbie Grandma was nasty, huh?

Dingo She was throwing bows, huh?

Tad Wooden spoons mostly.

Dingo Ahh wooden spoons.

Tad And then she’d break it and then you’d be in more trouble because she broke the spoon. And it’s like, well.

Dingo You broke her spoon, Tad.

Tad I didn’t break the spoon and then you and then that piss her off when you say I didn’t break it you broke it. And now you’re in more trouble.

Dingo Why would you speak up Tad, come on?

Robbbie Oooooh, shouldn’t have said that.

Dingo Talk back like that. My, my dad was a hitter. He would beat the shit out of me so... Yeah, but different generation. His dad beat him, his dad beat me, but I’m, I’m, I’m stopping it here. I don’t- I’ve never- I’ve never laid a hand on my kids. I have when they when they get out of line and they really cause problems and then they hide somewhere I have to pull them out but, but that’s it just pulling out, never struck them. I mean knock on wood never will and I don’t think I’ll ever black black out in a rage like that but...

Robbbie Yeah right. Wait till they hit their 20s, we’ll see what happens.

Dingo I don’t think it counts after they turn 18. It’s go time. We’re going to square up.

Robbbie Yeah, it’s fair game. You’re just-

Dingo Yeah, if I have to bail you out of jail, I’m gonna hit you. I’m gonna punch you in the parking lot as soon as the cops aren’t looking. But until then, no, no hitting, we’ll be done.

Robbbie Yeah, I mean, I feel like I was raised that way. My dad made a made a point. He was like, we don’t hit in this house. That’s not something we do. And he never did. And I want to make that the same way. And I’m not going to tell my wife how to how to raise her kids. But I’m not, I’m not hitting them. And I’m not saying she hits. She doesn’t go wailing on them. But I definitely am more anti-hitting in the entirety like if you got like a little smack to the head or something, she would be more of the person to do something like that. But I’m-

Dingo Yeah, the dad voice works. It scares the kids, turns the wife on. What else do you need?

Robbbie What do you do to discipline them? How do get them to listen? What do you do?

Dingo I have absolutely nothing to offer for this. They don’t listen to a damn thing I say.

Tad It’s usually like restricting threats of restriction you know like we’re gonna take your tablet away or you’re not gonna get any TV time, or...

Robbbie Yeah. He like thinks it’s a game, though, he’ll do the same thing. I’ll be like, alright you can’t watch your shows and he’s like, well, you can’t watch your shows. I’m like, what? Who do you think you’re talking to right now? Like wha... Or like one time, but when he was like really young, I tried to like take things away from him. I would get like one time I got really mad and I just opened the basement door, I started throwing his toys on the basement. I was like, these aren’t yours. You can’t have these anymore. I threw him down the basement. He took his own toys, started throwing them down too and he was laughing about it.

Tad This is the most fun game ever.

Robbbie He’s like, haha, we’re throwing toys, this is great. And I was like, this is... Yeah, right? I was just like, this is not where I’m mad. Don’t, stop smiling, like don’t be happy. I can’t even yell at you. You’re like, this is a game. Like, I don’t even know. It’s tough. It’s tough disciplining kids

Dingo Yeah.

Robbbie if you’re not going to hit them...

Dingo I know, this is the only time I’ve thought of like, maybe I should try it. Like give them a good smack, but I don’t know. Just to see, see if it gets the point across.

Robbbie See what happens.

Dingo But yeah, they don’t, I don’t know. Mine don’t give a shit about anything. Like I’ll tell them a hundred times, like you got to pick the toys up in here. And they’re just like, yeah, whatever. And then I’ll come in with a garbage bag and I’m like, you can pick them up or I can pick them up. And they’re going in here and you’ll never see them again. And then just be like, eh. Grandma and grandpa will buy us new ones. And I’m like, son of a bitch, because they will.

Tad That’s the worst. I think nothing aggravates me more than

Robbbie Because they will.

Tad I’ll just ask grandma.

Dingo Yeah.

Tad Like I’ll say, no, no, no, you can’t have this. I’m not getting you that. I’m going to take this. And then, yeah, it’s just that. Well, grandma will do it. You little...

Robbbie The collusion of it all.

Tad And you know what? Grandma will. And that’s the worst.

Dingo Grandma will.

Tad Even when it’s like, mom, don’t do this. She’s gonna ask you for this, don’t do it. Nope.

Dingo You just wait till grandma’s funeral. As soon as they put her in the ground, I’m gonna turn to you and I’m gonna be like, who’s gonna buy your new shit now, huh?

Tad It’s like payback, right? It’s like that grandparent payback for all the stress we cause. Like, yeah, you caused me all this stress. Now this is happening.

Dingo Yeah, who’s gonna buy your action figures now, huh?

Robbbie I was gonna say, it always feels like it’s us versus them, like parents versus the kids, but like, you’re right, it’s also the grandparents and the kids. Like, we are not on the same team, I feel like.

Dingo Yep, they’re funding this coup behind the curtains.

Robbbie Yep. This is, it’s a, there are teams too. There’s a, it’s me and my wife versus everyone. And we’re usu-

Dingo Oh yeah, you’re always gonna lose. You can’t beat grandparents.

Robbbie So go sleep at Grandma’s house then.

Dingo And I’m just extra jealous because like all my grandparents were dead by this age so I’m just like... I didn’t even get to have this fun. So I’m losing on both fronts.

were not like this.

Tad My grandparents weren’t this fun. My grandparents

Dingo No, Three of four of my grandparents were dead by the time I was this age, and then the one was like, she hated me, so... She would break the toys, she was like, kids are made to be seen, not heard, kinda type. So it’s like, screw you, kids.

Robbbie Jeez, Dingo lived a rough childhood. Had grandparents that hated him, dad beat him, Dingo, you okay, man?

Dingo Yeah, I’m good. I got a major podcast.

Robbbie You do have a world renowned podcast.

Dingo And I got kids that I adore and love hanging out with, but they’re a pain in my ass.

Robbbie And an upcoming Spotify deal.

Tad I can’t wait till we top Joe Rogan.

Robbbie Uhhh, better than Joe Rogan.

Dingo Like Talk Tuah.

Robbbie People actually listen to us though. Yeah, we gotta start our own coin, huh?

Dingo Yeah, I would think so.

Robbbie Then we rug our audience.

Dingo Yeah, no, just time it well. You’ll be fine. Everybody buy in and then, you know, we’ll let you know. Yeah.

Robbbie You got it. We’ll let you know. Just go to the VIP channel in the Dingo Daily and we will let you know there

Dingo Yeah, we’re gonna rug pull. Just don’t tell the government.

Robbbie when to sell.

Dingo If we still have one. If we still have a government at that point.

Robbbie We’re rigging everyone, so just make sure that... Oh my god, our whole country is fucked. Why did I have kids in this country? That is so fucked. No. We’re digressing again. This is the parenting episode, everyone. Parenting, we’re speaking about parenting. So let’s see, what’s left about parenting? Let’s talk future. And when I say future, mean drugs and alcohol. What’s, uh, how are we feeling about drugs and alcohol on our kids? When, when do we, when are we okay for them to start experimenting? How are we going to react? What’s-

Tad My wife and I have discussed this on numerous occasions. I don’t know. I don’t know.

Dingo That was such a buildup for I don’t know.

Tad Obviously not before like...

Dingo Yeah, I thought you had a whole thing planned.

Robbbie I did not see that coming.

Tad Not before, you know, sometime in later teen years, I guess.

Dingo Okay, well let’s start here. Have you let

Robbbie You sweet summer child.

Dingo any kids try alcohol when you have it? Because I know you’re a drinker.

Tad My kids won’t even try it. I’ve offered. I’m like, here, try it. Try a beer. No, they don’t want to. I’m like, all right, cool. They don’t even want to try it.

Robbbie They didn’t want to try it? Like they’re... My son has like knowingly tried wine, I think beer. He’s tried it, he’s wanted to try it. I don’t think he liked it, but-

Dingo Yeah, I’ve done the offering. Yeah, my, when they were kids, you know, my, my oldest, when no one was looking would reach his hand and completely submerge it in a wine glass and then try it and lick it off his hand. And he would like it. And we’d be like, what the hell are you doing? Like, no, no, no, no. And I’ve, I’ve, as he’s older, I’ve been drinking a beer and he’d be like, what’s that? And we’d be like, you want to try it? And he, he took a sip the first couple times and just like, god, that’s good, but you know, he would never try it again.

Robbbie It’s really, really good, dad. I don’t have to drink anymore right?

Tad But feel like it’s one of those things where the more you, you know, we were all teenagers, the more you push against it, the more allure it’s gonna have.

Dingo That’s my whole theory. It’s like, yeah, you know, it’s around if you try it. You clearly don’t like it. So like remember this moment. You don’t like it. I’m hoping that works.

Robbbie Yeah, I feel like my wife and I were opposites with that when we were growing up. It’s like my dad, my dad was a lawyer. He was very strict about laws and everything, and I would- anything I wanted to do that was illegal. I snuck that behind his back. Whereas my wife, she just like did everything early on. Her mom didn’t really- not that she didn’t care, but definitely cared less than my daddid. And I, I, I drank in high school and stuff, but I didn’t do any drugs until, until into college. I didn’t even do anything freshman year drugs wise in college. Like I got a late start on anything and I did some drinking. But like I feel like it was one of those things where like, I always couldn’t do it. And I was like, it’s like kind of keeping it a secret. And it was something I wanted to do that like I didn’t like go crazy until college. Whereas my wife, she got it all out in high school, by the time she got to college she didn’t even care. She’s like, I don’t want to drink. She didn’t even want to drink. Not just drugs. Like she didn’t even want to drink. She’s like, I had my fun and like now I want to just study and get on with it. And so I feel like, yeah, agreed. If you’re if you’re going to keep it from them, they’re going to want it even more. I feel like it was something more like drugs are still cool and appealing to me, like the idea of them, because I never could. But if like you give them the option, like, I don’t care, like whatever, you try it like, oh, OK, whatever. And then that’s it. It’s not even a thought. Like don’t make a thing, it won’t be a thing.

Dingo Yeah I feel like that was, you know, I started like regularly drinking. I think I was like 11 or 12. So it was, it was early on and involved, you know, whoever parents were divorced, like that’s the house you would hang out at. Like the parent was always working. It was usually the mother. The father was gone. The mother was working. So it was just like, there was alcohol around and you were drinking and I don’t know. By the time, same thing with your wife. Like we graduated high school. I don’t know about them, because obviously you graduate high school and you lose contact with 90% of the people you went to school with. But for me, it was like, I’m good. People would be partying and going nuts. You know, I would hang, but it was like, this isn’t exciting in any way. So, I feel like there was definitely a better way you could have done that. Personally, like if I had a, if I could plan out the perfect route for my children, it would be like experiment in high school in a controlled environment where you’re safe and things are fine and you’re not out like sneaking around.

Robbbie Yeah, I want to know that they’re safe.

Dingo But at the same time, I don’t want to be encouraging it in the sense that like you know, I would really be pissing off other parents because I just feel like...

Robbbie I don’t want to piss off other parents, but like, let’s be realistic here. The kids are going to drink. At a minimum, they’re going to drink. And let’s not have them drinking, driving around town and being dumb. Let’s have some place where we know they’re safe, you know?

Dingo Right, that’s my way of looking at it now and looking back I think, thank God things didn’t happen because we had a lot of access and we were doing a of stupid things and nobody was watching us and it could have gone so poorly. So if I was to recreate the same environment just in a safe manner, I think I would prefer, you know, they did that under my roof, with their friends knowing that I’m taking care of them. If they’re interested, you know, ideally they wait till they’re 21 and they’re driving and they get Ubers and yada, yada, yada. But realistically, yeah, they’re gonna be, they’re gonna be doing it.

where they are and potentially be doing dangerous shit.

Robbbie They need a safe space and I would prefer they have a safe space in my house than not know

Dingo Yeah, I agree.

Robbbie That’s how I see it. And I feel like I also, I want to expose them to at least alcohol early on, like even like before they’re like 13 or whatever, just like here, have a beer. I don’t care, like we’re drinking, like drink this. Like not like have them drink every meal or anything, but like I just wanna like let them know like I don’t care that much it’s not a big deal like drinking isn’t a thing it’s just like-

Dingo Yeah, like most of the world has figured out. Like.

Tad Right.

Robbbie Yeah, it’s not a big deal. If you’re a responsible human, like you can have a glass of something and not be a thing.

Dingo Yeah, moderation. Like a little bit of fentanyl in the weeds fine, but you don’t just do it straight.

Robbbie Yeah, just a little bit. It’s just a little bit.

Dingo Yeah, grow up and do coke like an adult.

Robbbie Exactly, exactly. So, you know, drugs, it’s a little tougher because there’s levels to this shit.

Dingo There’s levels!

Robbbie You know, levels, levels, oh my god, how have we not even brought up levels yet? For all of our Dingo Daily serious fans out there,

Dingo Deep cuts.

school, but-

Robbbie you know exactly what I’m talking about when I say levels. We’re all about levels. This is the deep cut, this is the... premium subscription podcast extra edit. Sorry, but no there there are levels to drugs I mean that you got weed is your level one... level zero, man I mean it’s that’s your whatever and I don’t really care about weed you know I just like that’s another thing. Smoke in my house. Everyone’s gonna be smoking come, come smoke in the basement. It gets harder I don’t know if I want them like experimenting with like shrooms and acid and shit in high

Dingo I feel like, like, let your brain finish developing first for those things. Like, wait till your twenties. I don’t know.

Robbbie Right? Yeah.

Tad I say open the doors early.

Robbbie Yeah, you’re probably right.

Tad There’s levels.

Dingo Levels!

Robbbie I don’t know, because there’s levels. There’s levels. There’s levels, Levels. So I don’t know. Where’s the line? I mean, I got hard lines on like heroin. Crack.

Dingo Wait till your 20s for those.

Robbbie Hard, hard lines. You can’t be a teenager doing crack. You have to be at least 20 to smoke your first crack pipe but I don’t know, high school, weed and alcohol, I don’t really care. Before high school, alcohol, I still don’t really care if you’re like doing it with me.

Dingo And you know, learning the rules, like you’re drinking here, fine, be safe. You’re not fucking driving. Like that’s a hard line. Like, you know, plenty of people, the reason they’re drinking and driving is they’re sneaking around at that age. Like all these fatalities for teenagers involving alcohol is because they’re hiding it. Like don’t hide it. I’ll be cool about it. Like if ever you’re out somewhere drinking, like call me, I will come get you. Like I’m one of those parents, it’s like safety above everything. Like I don’t want anything to happen to you. I’m not gonna be pissed.

Tad Yeah, that’s how, I mean, that’s how my parents were. It was, you know, it was like, we know you’re gonna do it. Just be smart about it. If you need a ride, call. You won’t be in trouble. I would prefer that than you getting in the car with someone or getting in your own car. You know, safety first, above all. Drink responsibly, right?

Dingo We can, if the drinking is something that needs to be addressed, we can talk about it after, but we gotta get you home first and safe and make sure, if your friends need rides, we’ll drive them too.

Robbbie Yeah, I just you got to come across somehow- and I know kids never think you’re cool, but you got to come across as the cool parent and just be like, you need to feel comfortable talking to me about certain things. And you got to like be open and cool about things the very first time they happen, because that first that first reaction is going to stick with them. And that’s how they’re going to act going forward, so like I- Yeah, I want you to be safe. I want you to do this. I’d rather you do it with me. Like I’m gonna be cool about it. I don’t care. I’m not gonna be- Cause I feel-

Dingo Yeah, I didn’t want to talk to my parents about anything. Like if I was out drunk somewhere and like I needed to get home, like I’m not calling them. I’m gonna be like, well, I got to figure this shit out or I have to drive. Like it’s one or the other. You know, looking back, I wish I had just rolled the dice maybe and been like, hey, can you come get me on a certain, like a couple of occasions? But, you know, the best I can do now is be that for my kids.

any particular thing, then I’m not going to come to them for anything.

Robbbie Yep, exactly. So hopefully I can come across as their friend really to an extent. I mean there’s a fine line between friend and parent but I want to be friends enough where they feel comfortable coming to me in those situations where they really should be coming to me instead of doing something dumb. Yeah, it’s not even just like drugs and alcohol and stuff, but anything. Because like when, when I feel that I can’t trust my parents, you know, to like with any, You know, if I feel like that’s how you’re going to react with drugs and how are you going to react with something else? You’re not going to be my go-to person. I want to-

Dingo Yeah, I mean drugs and alcohol are just the beginning. Like life is gonna throw such like bigger issues at you like you can come to me and if I fail the test at you know teenage drinking I think they’re not gonna come to me for bigger issues.

Robbbie Yeah, exactly. So like, that’s part of my fear, too. I don’t want to fuck them up so much, but I also want to like build a good relationship. And like, I don’t have a bad relationship with my parents. Like we love each other or whatever, but like we’re not super close. I wish I was closer. I wish I was closer with them. I wish we had that like close relationship where I trusted them with everything and I always went to them and it was just something where like. I felt like I had to hide things sometimes. Like, he wouldn’t have been cool with underage drinking, like, stuff like that. I felt like uncomfortable. I want to be, I want my kids to feel comfortable coming to me no matter what. So I know I have to work on maybe reactions of something. I’m trying to like plan ahead, because I-

Dingo And above anything else, like if, if you have some good shit, I want you to come to me and share it.

Robbbie Yes, if I find your weed, I will smoke it because you never came to share it with me. And that’s-

Dingo Yeah, if I have to find it on my own, I’m gonna be pissed. Shoot me a text and be like, I got this primo shit. And I’m gonna be like, I’m on my way. Let’s go.

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Dingo Who’s a good weed company? Mood, Mood Edibles. I see that commercial on YouTube. Reach out to us please. Just send us some product and we’ll talk. I think edible is the way to go. I feel like smoking is probably... It’s bad for your lungs, right? Either way.

Robbbie Snoop, Snoop, you got my contact info. Just hit me up. Yeah, he’s got a new line of edibles. You know what there’s something else I wanted to talk about we kind of skipped over but what about hygiene?

Tad We wash them regularly.

Robbbie No, was thinking, because I’ve seen some other parents, and this more has to do with, I guess with a baby and younger kids, but they don’t wash their baby every night. And to me, that’s absolutely disgusting. You gotta wash your baby every single day. They shit their pants every single day. I just feel like if you’re not giving your baby a bath, I...

Tad When they were in diapers it was a nightly cleansing. Now it’s, I don’t know, two days? Two, three days?

Robbbie We do bath time every night, every single night. I mean, he’s, they’re still young, but every single day they do it. I mean, especially the baby though. I mean, you’re shitting your pants every day. You’re getting your ass washed.

Tad Yeah, that poop hides in a lot of places.

Robbbie Yeah, that was my biggest fear, I guess, going into having a girl. And it’s such a stupid fear. But the well,

Tad It’s a legit thing.

Robbbie I guess it’s something you think about. It’s not dumb to think about.

Dingo It’s a lot easier to wipe shit off balls.

Robbbie But like wiping, it’s so much easier to wipe shit off balls. So much easier. You really got to be careful around all the holes and crevasses and. There’s, you gotta be cognizant. So that was something, you know, I’m used to it now. I’m a pro, but that was literally the one thing. It was only one. And it was like, I’m gonna wipe some shit right up into her and give her a UTI or something.

Dingo Yeah, it just doesn’t happen though. We didn’t do daily bath times with any of the kids. It was, you know, like every other night, every other, every couple days. It was just, I don’t know, we were diligent with the wiping. There was no, we would do lotions and soaps and stuff, but like the full on bath. My wife pampers the shit out of these kids. She’ll like massage the legs with the lavender lotion and put stuff in their hair and light candles and spray things that I don’t even know what they are. But yeah, bath time as a baby, it was, you know, every couple days.

Robbbie Fair enough. Just know I think you’re gross.

Dingo Understood.

Robbbie No, I’m just kidding.

Dingo I don’t know you read things. It’s like it’s bad for their skin to wash it too much, but then you know the- if you don’t wash it enough, it’s it’s you know you risk infection, and I don’t know. Who knows what to think there’s so many different you know experts out there telling you what to do and I don’t know. I don’t listen to any of them. I’m just like if the kid stinks wash it, if it’s if it’s clean don’t. Experts are all idiots and

Robbbie The experts are idiots.

Dingo they’re just as stupid as I am so whatever. They just went they just went to school for longer.

Robbbie No one knows anything. We’re all winging it, and that’s the moral of story.

Outro The Dingo Weekly. It’s not daily anymore. That’s too much work for us. The Dingo Weekly.